Sex when we are teenagers should not be normalised

An entry for WoLF’s “Letters to Girls” Series

by M. P.

Hi, younger self and younger girls,

I want you to know that social media, other people around you, and the world you live in are telling you lies.

1. BEAUTY: They want you to be unhealthy and preoccupied with counting calories, hating every single part of your body, and achieving the unachievable (models are fake: not only because of plastic surgery but also because of filters). They want you to be stupid, shallow, and depressed. Other women want you to be strong, smart, and creative: those are the qualities that matter, not male-defined beauty.

My piece of advice: listen to your body. Are you hungry? Eat. Do you find makeup and "feminine clothes" uncomfortable? Stop wearing them. Is the bra a pain in the ass? Stop wearing it. Read, read, read. There are plenty of books that speak to you (my recommendations are Andrea Dworkin's and Sheila Jeffreys' books; you can find them online for free). Talk to other girls: they probably feel the same way you do. Find time to join groups and share experiences.

2. HAVING SEX: Having sex as a teenager is normalised, but it isn't normal. Before having sex, you should respect your body, learn to listen to it and to the messages it sends you, love every part of it, and get to know every part of it. Do you know your clitoris? The pleasure it gives you? Do you know that most girls and women don't find penetration pleasurable? DO YOU KNOW THAT VIRGINITY DOESN'T EXIST? The hymen is like an open ring, and the penis doesn't break anything if it enters your vagina.

Contraception can be invasive and is designed to allow sex with males through penetration, but who does it give pleasure to? Them, not us. Learn about the kind of sex that gives you pleasure on your own, by talking with other girls, and by experimenting with other girls if you feel like it.

Men are violent: they learn about sex through porn, and they consider us inferior (why would they find spitting on us attractive if they considered us human?). And why would we bother having sex with them if they are boring, violent, and don't give us pleasure?

Getting in touch with yourself and other girls is truly liberating.