A Letter to My Younger Self

An Entry for WoLF’s Letters to Girls

BY T.C.

To the girl I was, from the woman I fought to become,

If I could go back in time, I would take your hands in mine and cry. Not because I pity you, but because I know what those hands will one day have to hold. I know how many times you'll wipe your own tears, straighten your shoulders, and carry on as though nothing happened. I wish you knew how much of what you're going to carry was never yours to carry in the first place.

Oh, sweet girl. I wish you knew that strength was never supposed to be your only choice.
There are so many things I wish I could tell you before life teaches you the hard way. I wish you knew that loving someone doesn't mean sacrificing pieces of yourself to keep them happy. That loyalty is a beautiful quality, but it becomes a burden when you give it to people who don't deserve it. You'll spend too much time trying to prove your worth, explaining yourself when you owe no explanation, and believing that if you just love harder or try a little more, things will change. Please trust yourself sooner. That little voice telling you something isn't right? Listen to her. She'll be right more often than you realize.

One day, you'll understand that love should never make you afraid. That peace isn't simply the absence of conflict, but the freedom to live without constantly wondering what might happen next. There will come a time when you’ll realize the life you've worked so hard to build begins to fall apart. You'll blame yourself, please don’t. You cannot spend your entire life trying to hold together something that is breaking you.

There will be heartbreak unlike anything you've ever known. You'll grieve someone who is still living beneath the same sky. You'll have memories of tiny hands, childhood laughter, and moments you never imagined would become so precious. You'll discover that a mother's love doesn't disappear simply because she has nowhere to give it.

There will be days when you're exhausted from being strong. When you look at your life and wonder how someone so capable and determined could find herself starting over. But starting over isn't failure. One day, you'll leave behind everything familiar and begin building a life somewhere new. You'll be frightened, hopeful, exhausted, and determined, sometimes all at once. You'll discover that there's something freeing about being somewhere that doesn't already have a story written about who you are.

Please, don't lose the softer parts of yourself while you're learning to survive. Keep laughing. Keep noticing beautiful things. Keep believing that love can be safe and that happiness doesn't always have to come with a price. You are the girl who once looked at the world with wonder. The mother who loved fiercely. The woman who found the courage to leave a life she could no longer live, even without knowing what came next. I'm proud of the woman you were before life got complicated. I'm proud of the woman who eventually found the courage to say, "Enough."

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about you is that despite everything, you won't become bitter. You'll still care deeply. Still want to help others. Still believe in love. Still imagine a future worth looking forward to.

Be kind to yourself.

I cannot go back and protect you from what's coming. I cannot give you back some of the years you spent afraid, some of the nights you spent crying, and some of the energy you wasted trying to make impossible things work. But I can promise you some things. I'll stop punishing you for what you didn't know. I'll forgive you for the choices you made when you were afraid. I'll honor everything you endured without allowing suffering to become the whole story. I promise that our past won't be the only things that define us. You're going to make mistakes. Some will be costly. Some will change the direction of your life. But none of them will make you unworthy of happiness.

I'm still figuring things out. Some days I'm tired. Some days I miss what I cannot get back. But I'm here. I'm building a new life, learning to trust myself, and discovering that I can miss what I've lost while still being grateful for what I have. We have many beautiful and ordinary days ahead.

And for whatever years we have left, I'll make our life a place where you will finally feel safe. Because I've spent so much of my life wishing someone had protected you, it's time I became that person.

With all the love you deserved from the beginning,

Me